This stretchmark was the hardest. So bitter sweet. Katia and I decided to visit our Elementary school best friend. From when I could remember, we were always together from lunches in Half Moon Bay to shopping at Claire's for lip gloss. From first boyfriends, kisses, dances, to graduation. We have always been there for each other. We all lived walking distance away from each other so every day of the summer we were practically together. When I heard Lindsey was in the hospital with declining health from pancreas failure, my heart broke. I couldn't get myself to see her like that. In my heart I wasn't ready. She is the smartest, beautiful, nice, caring, funny, and athletic women you'll meet. She's strong and nothing could point otherwise. For about a year, while I was busy with high school ,she had a failing pancreas and I knew I needed to see her. As I heard the news and that things weren't getting better, I had to accept that days could be minimal.
Hearing the best friend I've ever had going through so much put me in a bad place, I couldn't visit her for a while. I guess I didn't want reality to set in. But eventually it all does. When I saw her on the white hospital bed next to a foggy window, and her withered and tired I wanted to cry. She could read the expressions on our face and just with a smile, she brought us to tears of happiness. I hated seeing her in pain, but the real pain was not seeing my best friend in so long. We talked about different things just like old times. How at Saint Roberts the dress codes were whack and the boys were queers. I have never laughed so hard with anyone until that day. I've never seen someone so strong, I admired Lindsey for that. Someone living off of machines but so full of life.
It was good just being in her presence. I remember leaving and just asking God why it was her. She was our valedictorian, and athlete of the year. We looked up to her and nothing has changed. This moment was sweet in the sense we were relishing the past. And reminding her life is worth it, but so bitter because she didn't deserve it, no one does. A real eye opener and such a slap of reality.
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